Great Moments in Tweaker Engineering
Tweaker Space Program set to Reach for the Sky
Despite several other unsavory characteristics, tweakers have a somewhat well deserved reputation for a willingness to work with their hands. For these, there is no project that is too outlandish, time-consuming, or tedious. It is in this spirit, that we are proud to update you on the status of the tweaker space program.
On June 24, 2005, Missouri State Highway Patrol pulled over a 1990 Ford Thunderbird driving down Interstate 70. Both driver and passenger ditched the vehicle, but were captured shortly thereafter with small amounts of methamphetamine on their person. After searching the car, officers found $13,500 under the passenger seat of the vehicle.
It was then the officers discovered a truly great acheivement in the history of tweaker engineering. In the trunk of the car, officers found a model rocket completely filled with methamphetamines. It was attaced to "an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys" which lifted the rocket into firing position when the trunk was opened from the inside of the car (US Attorney).
The rocket ignition was connected by wires to the car's cigarette lighter. This allowed the entire apparatus to be lifted from a prone to launch position, and fired from inside of the car. If the suspects hadn't panicked, presumably the situation would have unfolded like this:
1. Police pull over the Ford Thunderbird mobile speedlauncher.
2. Our two brave crankstronauts, Michael Sullivan and Joseph Seidl, would pull the trunk latch. This would open the launch bay and raise the meth rocket in launch position.
3. From inside mission control, the cab of the Thunderbird, Sullivan would press in on the cigarette lighter which would ignite the rocket engine.
4. The rocket would leave the trunk, bravely sending the prescious cargo where no crank has gone before.
We can only speculate what might had occured if the Deep Speed probe had actually been deployed. We do know that officers found over $150, 000 worth of methamphetamine in the vehicle. I wonder what the penalty would be if the rocket misfired and killed one of the State Troopers? I bet it would border on the severe. Unfortunately, the world may never know. We can only hope that this will not mark the end of deep speed rocket exploration.
Despite several other unsavory characteristics, tweakers have a somewhat well deserved reputation for a willingness to work with their hands. For these, there is no project that is too outlandish, time-consuming, or tedious. It is in this spirit, that we are proud to update you on the status of the tweaker space program.
On June 24, 2005, Missouri State Highway Patrol pulled over a 1990 Ford Thunderbird driving down Interstate 70. Both driver and passenger ditched the vehicle, but were captured shortly thereafter with small amounts of methamphetamine on their person. After searching the car, officers found $13,500 under the passenger seat of the vehicle.
It was then the officers discovered a truly great acheivement in the history of tweaker engineering. In the trunk of the car, officers found a model rocket completely filled with methamphetamines. It was attaced to "an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys" which lifted the rocket into firing position when the trunk was opened from the inside of the car (US Attorney).
The rocket ignition was connected by wires to the car's cigarette lighter. This allowed the entire apparatus to be lifted from a prone to launch position, and fired from inside of the car. If the suspects hadn't panicked, presumably the situation would have unfolded like this:
1. Police pull over the Ford Thunderbird mobile speedlauncher.
2. Our two brave crankstronauts, Michael Sullivan and Joseph Seidl, would pull the trunk latch. This would open the launch bay and raise the meth rocket in launch position.
3. From inside mission control, the cab of the Thunderbird, Sullivan would press in on the cigarette lighter which would ignite the rocket engine.
4. The rocket would leave the trunk, bravely sending the prescious cargo where no crank has gone before.
We can only speculate what might had occured if the Deep Speed probe had actually been deployed. We do know that officers found over $150, 000 worth of methamphetamine in the vehicle. I wonder what the penalty would be if the rocket misfired and killed one of the State Troopers? I bet it would border on the severe. Unfortunately, the world may never know. We can only hope that this will not mark the end of deep speed rocket exploration.
posted by Gentleman Loser at
6:31 PM
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